Spiked editor Brendan O'Neill dies

Brendan O’Neill’s forehead before it was dead

The popular columnist Brendan O’Neill has been found dead in his London home in the early hours of this morning. The police rushed to the scene after receiving a myriad of calls from his neighbours.

An anonymous witness interviewed not far from the scene, Billy Shakelance, went on to say, “It started with a normal scream, not always a strange occurrence from Brendan’s house as he’s usually losing the rag about something for seemingly no reason. Last week we could hear him crying and shouting about a fat plumber and in the morning there was clearly a SNES in his wheelie bin. But last night…last night his screams started going up the register, getting higher and higher. Pretty soon the dogs were going crazy, it was like he was howling in a tone we couldn’t hear. Then the windows started to crack. The most unsettling part was that it was almost like I could start hearing the screaming again, but as if the scream was being suggested in more of like a smell or a colour. I dunno it is hard to describe, it was almost as if he was screaming in dimensions that men still have no concept of yet. Does that make sense?”

It appears that his death was particularly gruesome with a source from the forensics unit describing a scene that shook even their most experienced officers to the core. “We’ve never seen anything like it, Brendan’s head looked like it had exploded from the inside out, just popped like a balloon. A pool of strange looking worms were near the body and while I was hanging around one of the officers who made it to the scene early claimed that even though he was dead, he was still shouting about Greta Thunberg and the woke Left.”

Although the coroner is not ready to release a statement, sources say that judging from the size of O’Neill’s forehead through the years, it’s clear that these cranium parasites have been part of his life for quite some time.

Born of peasant stock to two Irish immigrant parents, he spent much of his youth in the genocide denying Revolutionary Communist Party before becoming editor of Spiked magazine. There he spent many years defending the indefensible in the most entirely predictable manner possible. A highly sought after television guest he could always be relied on by editors to provide controversial soundbites in lieu of meaningful analysis to be hate-shared on social media, a vital function in today’s TV industry.

Tributes to the late ‘journalist’ flooded Twitter with figures ranging from Rob Burley to Kay Burley (no relation) paying their respects.

Tributes to Brendan O’Neill (who is dead) on Twitter

This event follows on from the deaths of two other journalists that have died in mysterious circumstances (and utterly unimaginable agony) over the past two months. Could something or someone be targeting popular columnists? More news as we get it.