Sajid Javid reveals real reason for his resignation as chancellor

Fomer chancellor says he ‘strenously disagrees with proposal’

Sajid Javid has sensationally revealed the true reason for his shock resignation as chancellor of the Exchequer. In the first in depth interview since his departure Javid revealed that Boris Johnson wishes to consolidate the gains made in Labour seats in the north of England by nationalising the popular pastry chain Greggs.

“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I genuinely thought he was pulling my leg but he was deadly serious. Cummings said they’d done focus groups and the data was saying Northerners really love whatever it is they sell there and that this was the route to ensuring our breaththrough in the red wall seats was permanent. He said it was a real ‘tanks on Labour’s lawn’ policy and they’d be completely blindsided.”

“Look, I’m an Ayn Rand guy, if it were up to me I’d let people sell babies and organs because we must unleash the power of the market in all areas of life. In fact, my one regret of the Shamina Beggin case was not monetising that baby, I’m kicking myself I didn’t realise until it was too late. Live and learn! Anyway, so I told Boris there is absolutely no way I’d sign off on this, that it was madness and went against everything I believed in.”

“Of course Dom absolutely flipped out, Michael Gove had just dropped Carrie’s dog back (no idea why he had it) and it was sort of whimpering for some reason and then Dom just gave it a big kick because he was so angry. It was disgusting. I just said ‘look, do what you want but I am out, I don’t want any part in this’ and that was that.”

When reached for comment a spokesperson for the Conservatives said “we are examining a broad range of measures for the upcoming budget but nothing has been decided and what Michael Gove does with that dog in the privacy of his own home is no one’s business but his.”