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StefGotBooted@StefGotBooted & @Ecoclown

Roberto Pesto 🧵

An anonymous political editor describes a working day spent writing down what ministers tell him.

Roberto Pesto, part 1 of 3: A day in the life of...a journalist / In our new series we bring you an insight into one of the nation's most maligned professions / By JURON CONTENTS / PUBLISHED: 00:01, Sat, Mar 21, 2020 [Image: flat cartoon avatar on a navy background of a man with dark swept hair, black rectangular glasses and a large curly black handlebar moustache] Artist impression of our first interviewee (anonymised)
Roberto Pesto, part 2 of 3: Have you ever wondered how how the news gets made? Well we at The Express have been wondering the same thing! So in our new series we will be talking to some of the most prominent journalists up and down the country to get their views, tips and know how to work for us and you. / Note: Journalists are a secretive bunch, it is part and parcel of their jobs so we have done our best to ensure that the identity of each one in this series is a well kept secret. / The first person in our series goes by the nom de guerre of 'Roberto Pesto'. We have anonymised his prose to make it more difficult to identify him. / "Hey whatsa up widda you? Amah pretty good a journalisto in the U of K and amah kepta pretty busy eh. Ah normal ah time for a me to do the waking’n up is about a quarter to the seven eh. And den what is I do is reada the newspapers to see what is a da matta wid the world dat day, eh?! But am a smarter ah man eh. I know data each-a newspaperino is gonna have its own-a agenda eh. So whatta I do, is ah pretenda dat am a baby eh. A little baby wid the mind of a baby eh, a bambino dat mama a drop-a on de ‘ead! And I imagine-a how da little guy sees-a da newspapers. So here is da little baby reading all de newspaperinos, with all da thoughts of a baby and dat-a is how ah gonna start-a my day eh."
Roberto Pesto, part 3 of 3: "Now wid all of this information, I gotta tryna get a scoop eh. And I don’t mean-a some gelato, datsa some joke eh. So, whatta do is patiently wait-a for a phone call from a government source, and when-a da phone a rings I make sure I gotta da pen and da paper ready. Den when-a da minister phone up, I gotta make sure I get it all down on da paper just like he said eh. Den what I gotta do is imagine am-a dat baby from this morning and I imagine whatta dat baby would have-a thought about a what dat a minister gonan said eh. I can no even-a be sure they a minister cos a baby no check-a da sources, eh! Den I make sure to pass on dat information dat I got to the public of Joe eh." / "Afta all a dat hardwork ama pretty tuckered out eh. So den a gosa back to my villa and I goes on the Twitter forsa bit, I dunna like it ah so mucha dese-a days because people canna be a bitta mean to me eh. Dey gossa say dat I gotta the critical mind of a baby, dey say I gotta no object permanence eh. Butta don’t matta to me because when a putta the phone away, what do I do? I fogeta all about it eh." / "Anyway, dat is an averagino day for me. I hopa dat helpa wid yer article. Ciao for now." / Isn't that fascinating? Stop by next Saturday to find out who we have next!
3 images · 21 Mar 2020 · Twitter for iPhone
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Truth Seeker @TruthSeeker_88
Replying to @StefGotBooted
link or it didn't happen
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StefGotBooted @StefGotBooted
Replying to @TruthSeeker_88
it's the second tweet you cunt t.co/F6k93yr
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