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CecilCentigrade@CecilCentigrade

Darren Grimes Defection 🧵

Keir Starmer hopes to win over Leave voters by persuading Darren Grimes to join Labour.

Darren Grimes Defection, part 1 of 3: Keir Starmer hopes to make Darren Grimes defect to Labour / Labour leader thinks young commentator will appeal to Leave voters alienated by his ultra Remain history / By Cecil Centigrade / 11:01, 27 JUN 2020 [Photo: selfie of Darren Grimes with dark swept fringe and black-rimmed glasses, white shirt, in an office computer room with blue chairs] Sources describe Grimes as a 'deeply stupid person'
Darren Grimes Defection, part 2 of 3: Sources have revealed that in an attempt to neutralise his reputation as a London Remainer Keir Starmer has plans to poach high profile Conservative Darren Grimes to cement his appeal amongst Labour's Red Wall. / Whilst initially this appears to be a lost cause, sources within the Grimes camp indicate that he would be open to such a move, should the terms be amenable. / Persistent rumours that Grimes defecated himself at a high profile Conservative fundraiser have made him feel unwelcome and a widely shared video showing him vomiting on Boris Johnson's shoes have the young commentator considering his options. The cost of the cleaning bill for one. / Tory sources appear relaxed about the prospect claiming, "[he's] become a liability and doesn't realise how expendable he is. We feed him any sh*t and he'll just repeat it verbatim, it's just embarrassing at this stage. If anything getting rid of that pr*ck will help us. I've seen ventriloquist's dummies with more agency."
Darren Grimes Defection, part 3 of 3: Other Conservative sources point to his recently vacated role as Michael Gove's dog "handler", "he was so indiscrete, Michael would ring him at 2am trying to sate an urge and Darren would just appear at his front door with a husky or something and think nothing of it! That's just not how we do things in this party, subtlety is king. I'm not saying that Gove f*cks dogs though. I am just saying that he f*cks the ever-loving sh*t out of them. He has sex with dogs. That's what he does." / A Labour source countered, "we need someone willing to say literally anything as long as it benefits them financially. That lad is thick as sh*te and we can push any story through him because he's too stupid to realise he's being used. It would be a proper victory for us to claim a high profile Tory scalp to our cause. And look, after he sh*t himself in front of the Conservative party hierarchy, where else is he going to go? Seriously, I've seen the footage, he was just covered head to toe, literally caked in his own (I presume) sh*t." / They continued, "every movement needs someone without the intellect to understand the consequences of their actions, we really need someone with that lack of foresight to help us do the worst things and he is perfect. Because he's stupid." / A spokesman for the Conservatives said they do not comment on stories involving them because 'Keir Starmer is doing our job for us so ask him'.
3 images · 27 Jun 2020 · Twitter for iPhone
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Gareth #FBPE @CentristDad73
Replying to @CecilCentigrade
Can you post the actual article please
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CecilCentigrade @CecilCentigrade
Replying to @CentristDad73
it's the second tweet you cunt t.co/kDY3Asr
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CecilCentigrade @CecilCentigrade · 19 Jan 2020
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