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StefGotBooted@StefGotBooted & @Ecoclown

Snebly Frit 🧵

Tory candidate Snebly Frit OBE sets out his views on badgers, conversion therapy and dog whistles.

Snebly Frit, part 1 of 4: THE TIMES / THURSDAY NOVEMBER 7 2019 / ELECTION 2019 / Tory hopeful looking to make inroads in Labour heartlands / Cedric Hendicot / November 8 2019, 5:00pm, The Times / Sitting in his finely cut tweed Snebly Frit exudes confidence. It could be due to his recently acquired OBE or maybe because as the Conservative candidate for the constituency of Schiten-on-Wandle he looks set to win a landslide and, crucially, unseat the Labour incumbent in the upcoming election. His aging black tomcat, Uncle Remus, purrs sardonically at his side, just like his owner. / Frit gained his OBE under the tenure of Theresa May, “I knew she wouldn’t last,” he laughs, “politics is a man's game. She just didn’t know how to appeal to the public. You don’t try and win them over with the hope of a better world. You bloody well tell them that it’s our way or the highway. That's why that loon Corbyn is never going to get into Number 10, he doesn’t have the gumption to control a populace. My great-grandfather didn’t keep the sepoys in check with ‘please’ and ‘thank you’”.
Snebly Frit, part 2 of 4: “I want to be an Augustus-like figure for Schiten. Though I can keep down with the youth as well, I’m not as out of touch as some people might feel I am”, he says, tapping his Peaky Blinders themed poppy. “When you think about it, in many ways Thomas Shelby is a Gaius Octavius for our time.” Is it these deep insights into culture that make him such a force to be reckoned with on the doorstep? “I’m as comfortable talking to the average Schit as I am to the Queen,” he beams, “there isn’t much distinction to my mind other than good breeding”. / For all his confidence it must be noted that he is a divisive figure in both his town and the media at large. His popular Facebook page is a no holds barred arena for his thoughts, often gaining thousands of shares. “The Left really have no idea how to get things done. They share my posts to show how annoyed they are with me and all they do is spread it further. You’ll find that most people think like me, deep down. And I tap into something, I’m not afraid to say what I think and think about what I say.” / For example, a recent picture that went viral was taken from his involvement with the government’s badger cull and, though too graphic to reproduce here, shows Mr Frit with a shovel raised above his head and the bloodied corpse of a badger at his feet. The disturbing image is captioned "look at that dead b*st*rd".
Snebly Frit, part 3 of 4: His OBE has also sparked controversy as it was awarded for services to business and his charity that has been linked to gay conversion therapy. When asked about this, he gave a warm Cheshire cat like smile. “Well, look. When I was at school, if we were found in the dormitory with our hands wandering over ours or anyone else’s bits we’d get a good seeing to by the headmaster. And let me tell you something, I’ve never thought about it the same way since. So, all I do is try to recreate that experience for some confused young men. I take them into my room and I ask them, ‘What do you want to be? An upstanding member of the community or a bum badger?’ And we all know what I do to badgers, don’t we?” / When challenged on whether this could be construed as inflammatory language he chides me, “Oh for heaven’s sake, man, that’s the problem with this country now! You can’t say anything without someone getting offended. Back when I was younger people knew their place and kept quiet when someone important like me spoke and it’s high time we got back to that.”
Snebly Frit, part 4 of 4: Frit is wonderful company, a born raconteur, and our afternoon chat passes in what feels like an instant but like all good things it must come to an end; however, before I leave, he insists on showing me his extensive collection of dog whistles. It’s only afterwards as we walk back to the study and pass a large portrait of a man I instantly recognise as Runcible Frit II that I see a crack in his otherwise impenetrable armour. / Snebly stops and looks at the picture of his father, ruminating for a time. Eventually he speaks but not in the cheerful tone I’ve been used to. “I guess after everything, I’m not really happy. I don’t think I ever have been and when I see it in other people I want to crush it. If I’m not, why should anyone else be? We Tories understand this truth, it’s just how the world works.” He looks at the ground for a moment and then immediately he’s back to his old self proffering “another sherry?” Alas, I must decline and leave him there pondering the painting of his pater familias, lost in thought.
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Dave 🌹 @JezWeCan4eva
Replying to @StefGotBooted
is this real?? need the link to send to my uncle
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StefGotBooted @StefGotBooted
Replying to @JezWeCan4eva
it's the second tweet you cunt t.co/Vx4HEwr
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